


Professionalism

by Pitry



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:17:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pitry/pseuds/Pitry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not a wedding if there are no aliens involved. Extremely minor spoilers for EoT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Professionalism

**Author's Note:**

> So lost_spook wrote a story where UNIT just expect Torchwood to mess the wedding up. Poetic justice would demand the situation to be the reverse at least once.

On hindsight, they should have anticipated it. Hell, on hindsight, Gwen would have been simply shocked had there been no alien invasion during Martha’s wedding. After all, it wasn't like her own wedding went alien-free. And it has been so quiet lately, that Jack jokingly mentioned the possibility the Doctor warned the aliens to stay away while they were all preparing Martha’s wedding. Some things are too good to be true, and any sort of gathering that included Gwen and not aliens started to feel like one of these things.

But until today, all Gwen worried about was whether Martha was rushing into this wedding thing. “But sweetheart,” she told her discreetly during one of the quiet spells of the bachelorette party, “isn’t this a bit too soon? You and Tom, I mean...”

Martha just smiled - that same smile that suggested sometimes she’s a lot older than her age would suggest. “Tom is a wonderful guy,” she said, “and maybe in another life... “ It took her quite a while to snap out of whatever it was she was thinking about. “But we just aren’t right for each other. Mickey understands me, the way Tom never could.”

“But, Martha...”

Martha bit her lip for a second. “You know how you can talk to Rhys now? Now that he’s seen everything, that he helped you guys, that he’s been a real part of your life?”

“Yeah.” Gwen nodded.

“Well, that’s me and Mickey. It’s never been me and Tom.”

So yeah, maybe it was a good thing Martha’s wedding was to someone who knew how to handle aliens. After all, there are many things that can happen when the judge says ‘speak now, or forever hold your silence’ - and always the romantic possibility of your legendary ex-lover bursting into the room and shouting to stop the wedding, even if in Gwen’s case it was Jack and he did that because, well, the aliens made him do it, in a way - but you never expect the judge to be eaten after uttering that line.

Someone screamed. On some level, Gwen was impressed. Out of so many people in the room, only one person screamed after seeing an innocent person eaten alive.

After pushing Rhys to safety she pulled her gun out - not bringing your personal firearm to a wedding is a mistake you only make once - and turned to face the creature, accompanied by Jack - old fashioned pistol; Ianto - standard Torchwood issue, just like hers; Martha - one of those light ones they gave to UNIT personnel that weren’t ever expected to shoot at anything; Mickey - she’d be damned if she knew where he kept that huge thing during his own wedding; and Tish, Martha’s sister, with what looked suspiciously like a submachine gun.

“Do you keep that thing on you at all times?” Jack asked Mickey incredulously. “You know, a psychological need to carry such a big weapon with you suggests...”

Martha snorted, and Mickey rolled his eyes. “I don’t like to be surprised, is all. Especially not today.”

“I gathered,” Jack winked.

The creature advanced at them. Six people shot several different types of live ammunition at it, but nothing seemed to slow it down.

“Jack - careful!” Martha shouted, but too late. The creature lunged at Jack, leaving nothing but half eaten boots.

“He’s not going to be happy when he finally gets out,” Ianto commented quietly.

“Everyone out!” Gwen shouted as the five of them now retreated towards the door, away form the - thing.

“Good thing you made him dress up, though,” Ianto continued as they backed down slowly, eyeing their monster, that seemed to have a harder time than expected digesting one human, albeit an immortal one. “I’d hate to try and look for another coat like that.”

The five survivors fired another round, then turned and fled the now empty room. Fled the room - only to see a near enough camp of military vehicles encircling the building.

“Trap One, this is Greyhound 17, Greyhound 17 to Trap One, the creature is contained, over.”

“Contained?” Mickey asked quietly.

“Yeah,” answered the unlucky sergeant. “We were chasing it down the road and saw the building, realised getting it here would keep civilians safe.”

Oh, boy.

“That was my wedding!” Martha shouted at the sergeant, now quite a bit more terrified than he was dealing with a people-eating creature from the dawn of time, and took the radio from him to exchange some well chosen words with his superior officer.

“What I don’t get,” Gwen jumped as a thoroughly naked Jack appeared behind her, “is how come UNIT people always call _us_ the amateurs.”


End file.
